Kipper Tie

I love Brummie accents, though mine is nowhere near as good as it was. Last time I played Birmingham Ronnie Scott’s with Tim a couple of years ago [now sadly defunct...the venue, not Tim] I tried [successfully I thought] to affect the local tone throughout but nobody thought it was remotely funny [it wasn’t] and I can still sense the egg on my face to this day. That doesn’t stop me and everyone else in our plush new mini-bus doing their best Jasper Carrot impressions as we head south on the M6 into the rush hour. Move over Spinal Tap we’re turning into Slade, which reminds me that once upon a long time ago I went to school with Mark Williams who played Don [I think it was Don] in that Slade go camping mini Fast Show epic of some time back. Mark is a national Fast Show treasure and Bromsgrove’s finest contemporary actor/comedian/presenter [still you probably knew that already]. I caught him recently doing discovery type stuff on the history channel or perhaps it was the other way round, he was good too. Something about the history of the railways. I’ve not seen Mark since he was compering at The Crabmill Pub in the freaky feminist days of ‘The Abortion Song’ [VP in acoustic drudgery mode],and accompanying the then partner peculiar who did a very fine rendition of ‘Only Women Bleed’ the Alice Cooper classic. These were my good old mixed up days. I signed on with the gender police and sought sanctuary in womens liberation. It seems daft but it's true. I was very much at home for awhile in a world of challenged stereo types, Marxist literature and Street Theatre performance. Then I joined the Workers Revolutionary Party and everything got a bit too serious before going to pot, in more ways than one, but I’ll save that for later. Where was I now...Stourbridge, eventually, and we’re booked into the Rock Café which nestles just off the ring road on a modern industrial estate. The town centre is prettier than I remember. The venue is wonderfully rigged out, there’s carpet onstage and the monitors are superbly clear. The sound is the best we’ve had yet. We finish the sound check and head back to the Hotel to do an interview with James from Kerrang radio. After we’ve eaten and spoken we return to the venue where the gig goes pop and the crowd goes crazy [that’s not strictly true but I like the sound it makes]. It’s not biggest crowd of the tour [the promoters blame a new Chicago Rock café opening in the town that very night and they’re not lying –my sister queued there for an hour before realising she was in the wrong place!]. We love seeing John and Dave the promoters who I last bumped into at Salford Lads Club when Andy and I were doing a turn for the MEN Arena Morrissey coach mob. They both play in The Other Smiths though I can’t quite remember which one’s other they respectively are so all apologies if you get to read this. The night was hugely enjoyable. It’s also good to see Andy who was my brother’s best friend and we talk about him afterwards. He would have loved tonight.Then it's off to The Talbot Hotel which I would heartily recommend to anyone. It’s a bit like Faulty Towers meets the Local Community Centre with a female Manuel who was just perfect. Next morning we’re late for breakfast but manage to scrounge some anyway from the kindly Mrs Overall. We hardly notice the fact it arrives fifty minutes late as we’re far too engaged observing the dramas of a local wedding party and the hysteria of the gay waiter. Then The Major and Quentin Crisp turn up; we should do this more often, VPx Thanks to Mark Burton for the photos from the Sheffield gig.